I don't know how I got here. I try to remember, but every time I do, all I see is you. My vision feels like a tunnel, as if you are the light at the end, and everything else is a dark mess of inconsequential nothingness. Something is wrong. I can feel it. I can see it. Your features are as smooth as a peaceful body of water. I reach out, my course fingers brushing your cheek. You smile, the creases moving along your skin as if ripples among water.
You feel real. The touch of your skin among my fingers sends an unimaginable shiver coursing through my arm and down my spine. I can't help but shake, my legs wobbling as I try to maintain my balance. It doesn't seem possible. I pinch your cheeks just to be sure, and you yelp, grabbing my hand and pulling it away. We both laugh, and I can't help but feel my stomach drop. It can't be real.
I close my eyes, attempting to take a steadying breath. It helps. I feel calmer. The air is clean, fresh, as if I were in an open field after a recent storm. I can hear birds chipping and chirping among the trees, somewhere behind me. Insects buzz past my ears, but I hold still, trying to focus on my thoughts. How did I get here?
You give my hand a sudden squeeze and bring it to your lips, brushing my skin with a kiss. As before, my scattered brain quakes, everything dropping away except for you. Your heart beat drums through my mind, matching the unnatural pace of my sporadic thoughts. I take another deep breath, but my nostrils are filled only with lilacs and sweat; with your unforgettable scent.
"Open your eyes." You whisper softly. I can feel the tears now. They are warm as they run down my cheeks, filling me with an uncomfortable sense of the humidity in the air - or the humidity I know should be in the air. I should be dripping with sweat, but instead my face is soaked in tears.
I am afraid to open my eyes. I know I can't be here. I know this to be impossible. My body shakes again, my legs giving way to the uncontrollable shudder. I hear you whispering softly, but your words are nothing more than the clatter of birds.
I force my eyes apart. They sting, but my vision is remarkably clear for looking through a pane of salty water. You're fading now. I reach my free hand out to grasp your auburn hair, but it flows through my fingers as if it were the wind. I still feel your hands around mine, and I give it a squeeze strong enough to fell a bear. I can't let go. I won't let go.
A sob wracks my body and I blink against the newly formed tears. When my vision clears again, all I see is the speckled ceiling of my bedroom. I start to cry audibly, my grip around the pillow in my arms tightening so hard that I begin to lose feeling in my hands. It should be you within my grasp.
"Whats wrong?" I hear the whisper from the emptiness where you used to sleep, but I know it comes from within my own mind. I roll away, unable to face the space where you should be. I continue to cry until the sanctum below my face begins to turn into a wet pool and I am forced to rise in order to avoid drowning in my own sorrows.
I move to get out of bed, but a sudden hand on my shoulder causes me to freeze. My mind attempts to run through various fight or flighty scenarios, but it is too sluggish to be of aide. I take a shaky breath and hug the pillow in my arms.
"Babe, what's wrong?" Your voice cuts through the air this time, and your bedside light flickers on. I pinch the back of my hand so vehemently that blood begins racing down my fingertips. I try to take another calming breath, but my nostrils are filled with the taste of lilacs.
"Hey, talk to me." I feel the bed shift and sway as you move, and suddenly you're on the ground before me, reaching up to dust away my tears. My gut tells me to jerk away, but for the first time in years, I feel calm. I smile, my lips ecstatic to have your fingertips dance across my cheek.
"You cut yourself?" Your second hand gently inspects the blood on my fingers and I wince - half out of guilt, and half out of embarrassment. You rise, moving towards the bathroom in search of something. I close my eyes, trying to steady my body. From the bathroom, I hear you shuffling through the contents of the cabinet. Glass is clinking together, boxes are being shaken, and pills are bouncing inside their containers. The clunk of a light switch signals your return.
I raise my eyelids and focus my vision on your features. You frown as you go to work on my cut, your eyebrows making an awkward v above your eyes. I can see the sporadic blemishes along your forehead and temples, spot the scar over your lip, see the crookedness of your nose, and the odd alignment of your eyes. I see how imperfect you are; how you hold the features that made me love you all the more. Something inside me breaks, and I realize that this is not the same nondescript perfection of my dreams.
I reach down, my arm shaking, and I tilt your chin up towards me. I want to kiss you, to feel the lips that have been missing for so long. I want to hug you until we're both pale as ghosts. I want to do so many things with you, but a voice in the back of my mind screams and claws at my conscious until I have no choice but to speak the words that haunt me every hour of everyday. "You're dead."
Without missing a beat, you frown and say, "Am I?"
--------------------------------
It has been awhile since I have made a post. Probably won't get 365 posts for the year, but if the goal was 200 words for each post, I think I am close to on track with word count. Also, I have a few numbers that I have skipped because I started to write but did not complete them. They may or may not be posted eventually. Woops!
Thanks for reading, for the prompt, click here! Have a nice day.
No comments:
Post a Comment